God Damnit

I want to get her an engagement ring. Every time I say "I'll just get her a nice topaz ring" or "I'll get her a promise ring for now" it just sounds wrong in my head. If ever there was a situation that warrants an engagement ring, ours would be it. It's supposed to be symbolic of commitment, right? It's the ultimate gift, something so wonderful that a man wouldn't buy it for the girl unless it were a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. And here I am, asking her to leave her home and family to be with me, and we're already discussing where we could live and where we would work, and I'm not even putting forth the dedication to get her a ring.

I know there are a lot of people who think it's "crazy" to be talking about getting a ring for someone I haven't seen in ten years, but that's what makes marrying her so important to me— she's not some girl that I just never broke up with so I got her a ring to shut her up. I have never wanted the typical life of finding someone who you're compatible enough with, and give her a wedding. I've long been skeptical of marriages because I haven't ever seen any indication that the betrothed were really interested in sacrificing everything, ending their lives as individuals and starting a new life as a single unit. That's what I want to do, and there's a whole ritual based around the symbolism of making sacrifice to tie two people together, and I need to do it.

I can't tell my parents, they'd go ballistic (my mom would, at least) if they knew I was planning on proposing to someone that doesn't even live here. Almost everyone I've asked about how they could afford the ring just said "my parents helped." That's no kind of sacrifice—that's tantamount to an arranged marriage. Buy me a woman, dad. Thanks.

Okay, I got that off my chest. I don't see how I can not buy her a ring. I know she'll say yes, but I have to show her that it's okay for her to take that step to leave her entire existence behind.