Meet the Parents

Discussions have begun about asking her parents for her hand. Here, the big moment is giving her the ring; there, the big moment is asking her dad for permission. In the continuing effort to not talk about possible marriage out loud (even though we've both referenced it several times, we haven't *talked* about getting married, simply because we converse by email and phone and it's something we should discuss in person; plus, it's good to keep some element of surprise to the proposal), she has asked me about asking to take her to the U.S. and has offered to help me prepare the questions. I will be asking them for her hand in marriage, but she doesn't know that yet. I'm relieved that she has offered to help me with this, for many reasons: 1. it shows that she also is serious about the proposal; 2. she can help me figure out some of the nuances, like how I should address them, and what her mom's full name is; 3. since they don't speak English, she can help me make sure everything's grammatically correct so I don't sound too much like a foreigner.

Even though the ring isn't part of their tradition, it's a big part of mine, so I did buy her a ring (see left). I decided in advance exactly what I wanted the ring to look like, and I shopped until I found it– once I found it, I bought it. I wanted to get a continuous band, so there wasn't just one fat diamond sticking out of her finger like a bag of money on a string; I got three stones instead of one, since I wanted the ring to represent a great span of time, not just the day of the wedding; I bought one with a very simple, broad-stroked setting so there wouldn't be any decorations or frills to take attention away from the diamonds. I also got one thick enough so that a ruby and a topaz (our birthstones) can be set in the sides. Of course, since it's not part of her tradition, I am also preparing a bit of a speech (nothing formal, but again since it's not in English I need to think ahead) explaining the significance of an engagement ring in American culture, and the promise she would be making to me by taking it. If she does say yes, my New Year's resolution will go into effect: get her to Portland before I'm done paying off the ring. Fortunately (and unfortunately), that gives me plenty of time to make it happen.