Slick as a seal's ass

This concept that our economy is struggling because of bloated bureaucracies is absurd. I work for a bureaucracy, and I can assure you that they are a 100% solution-oriented operation. Let me give you an example.

Security is so restrictive here that they spend about $1000 every month just unlocking people's accounts. Mine, for instance, locks up as a precautionary measure every day at about 4:00 because my computer automatically handshakes with a third-party vendor that I have to use for my job, and my computer isn't 100% sure they aren't trying to steal our information. Additionally, since our Internet Explorer is two generations old, it's so slow I can't even do my job with it, so I use Safari, which my computer doesn't recognize, so it locks me out from time to time.

74% of calls to IT, evidently, are people who are locked out of their computer for some reason. So the company has just released a bulletin letting people know how to solve this cost-prohibitive issue. Their solution? Stop calling in to have your computer unlocked. See how simple that is? If nobody calls in, it doesn't cost them any money to fix it! What exactly we're supposed to do with a locked computer, of course, is our problem.