I used to work in market research. You may be surprised to learn that well over half of the employees of that market research company had college degrees. Many of them were in grad school.
We used to go down to Portland State every semester and do "college life" surveys, giving students ten bucks to just answer random questions for about an hour. One of the questions was always “how much money do you expect to make your first year out of college?” In the three semesters I did that survey, I don’t think I ever got a single figure below $60,000. One person, a general education major, just glared at me and said, “well, I would hope at least six figures!!!”
Think about that when someone asks you why Americans are perpetually in debt.
20080131
20080128
Me (Inside Voice), volume 1
COWORKER: So you're going to be gone for two and a half weeks, eh? How'd you pull that off?
ME (OUT LOUD): Well, I already had the trip planned before I started here.
COWORKER: Yeah, I'm surprised that they let you take that much time off. I didn't think you could take that much time off all at once.
ME (OUT LOUD): Yeah, I think management realized that it made sense for me to take it all at once in this case.
(moment of silence)
COWORKER: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's company policy that you can't take two weeks off all at once.
ME (INSIDE VOICE): Hey, it's really bothering you that I'm doing something that isn't to the letter of the law, isn't it? It's almost as if I realize that they're company guidelines, not laws. Especially when you consider that I just told you that management allowed me to take the time off, one can only presume that you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I might go so far as to say that there might be reasons why they're management and you're not.
Now that I think about it, this blind obedience to the company guidelines may be one of the reasons why I'm above you in the pecking order despite being half your age. So as much as your twelve years of thankless has gotten you in this company, the fact that I'm getting what I want and you aren't might be an indication that the company actually prefers people who think for themselves instead of just grumbling at their desk about how everyone else is trying to destroy you. Now go back to complaining about your job (and, evidently, complaining about everyone else's job as well) and I'll get back to actually doing mine. If my apparently insubordination bothers you that much, look at the bright side: I'll be gone within a year, moving further up the chain or promoting out, while you will remain, wasting away at your desk until you die. I apologize in advance for the next future management who replaces me and continues to ruin your life by flaunting the rules, right in your face. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going on vacation. I'll be back in two and a half weeks.
ME (OUT LOUD): Well, I already had the trip planned before I started here.
COWORKER: Yeah, I'm surprised that they let you take that much time off. I didn't think you could take that much time off all at once.
ME (OUT LOUD): Yeah, I think management realized that it made sense for me to take it all at once in this case.
(moment of silence)
COWORKER: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's company policy that you can't take two weeks off all at once.
ME (INSIDE VOICE): Hey, it's really bothering you that I'm doing something that isn't to the letter of the law, isn't it? It's almost as if I realize that they're company guidelines, not laws. Especially when you consider that I just told you that management allowed me to take the time off, one can only presume that you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I might go so far as to say that there might be reasons why they're management and you're not.
Now that I think about it, this blind obedience to the company guidelines may be one of the reasons why I'm above you in the pecking order despite being half your age. So as much as your twelve years of thankless has gotten you in this company, the fact that I'm getting what I want and you aren't might be an indication that the company actually prefers people who think for themselves instead of just grumbling at their desk about how everyone else is trying to destroy you. Now go back to complaining about your job (and, evidently, complaining about everyone else's job as well) and I'll get back to actually doing mine. If my apparently insubordination bothers you that much, look at the bright side: I'll be gone within a year, moving further up the chain or promoting out, while you will remain, wasting away at your desk until you die. I apologize in advance for the next future management who replaces me and continues to ruin your life by flaunting the rules, right in your face. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going on vacation. I'll be back in two and a half weeks.
20080124
New Spin to the Old Theory
When I started working in a cube farm, I would often get scoffs and eye rolls from older employees as the young kid that didn't know what he was doing. Even when I mastered the job after- oh, I don't know, a week, they would come up with some justification as to why I don't comprehend the *real* workings of the office. Even when I got to the point where I understood the business better than my managers, the older employees would just shake their heads at how naive the kid was, and how I just didn't get it. So eventually I would quit. What I told myself over a beer in a fit of depression over how I couldn't keep a job was that the only reason these people were still there is because they had no other promise to offer the world. The only thing they had that I didn't was an amazing tolerance for stupidity, doubtlessly because they were themselves a part of the problem.
I now see that my theory needs adjusting. After quitting or being downsized from five or six of these corporate environments, I finally stuck with one for a while. They still didn't think that I fit. My boss actually sat down with me and asked me (this is true), "why are you still here!?" But I wasn't going to let them win this time. So, finally they gave up and promoted me, if only to get me out of their office.
Now, in my new position, I realized something. The older employees around the bottom rung aren't the idiots. They're the lazy ones. They have no aspirations. They actually avoid promotions, for fear that it will raise the expectations of them. The idiots are the ones who sat in those bottom rung desks for five years, and kept applying for promotions but never got them. Then, one day, they're at an interview and the competition is young guys like me who have lots of promise, but a sketchy history of job-hopping and adversive behavior. The hiring manager looks at their resume and thinks, "wow, this guy has eight years of experience in our company. He's probably learned a lot in that time! I think he's our man."
Yeah. He got eight years of experience because he couldn't get a job anywhere else. Anyone worth their weight in salt would be able to apply for a better job at a better company with four years of experience and a keen insight into the business world. In other words, they all left the company, after constantly applying for the jobs they're qualified to do but losing out to a guy who has been sitting at the same desk for fifteen years.
Now, I finally got that promotion. I didn't get it by my own merits; my old boss pulled some strings to get me in my current position, and once I was gone, she transferred out herself, and now the whole department is shot to hell. But in my new position, I realize I have walked into the office where all those employees are who were never good enough to soar up the ladder, but eventually if you stand at the bottom for long enough, that ladder will come crashing down, and all you have to do is walk over and put your hands on that top rung. I didn't climb my way up to get here either, but I expected at least a challenge. No, as it turns out, my last department had smarter, more capable employees than this one, because in my old department, there were still some promising, ambitious youth left who hadn't been around long enough to quit.
I now see that my theory needs adjusting. After quitting or being downsized from five or six of these corporate environments, I finally stuck with one for a while. They still didn't think that I fit. My boss actually sat down with me and asked me (this is true), "why are you still here!?" But I wasn't going to let them win this time. So, finally they gave up and promoted me, if only to get me out of their office.
Now, in my new position, I realized something. The older employees around the bottom rung aren't the idiots. They're the lazy ones. They have no aspirations. They actually avoid promotions, for fear that it will raise the expectations of them. The idiots are the ones who sat in those bottom rung desks for five years, and kept applying for promotions but never got them. Then, one day, they're at an interview and the competition is young guys like me who have lots of promise, but a sketchy history of job-hopping and adversive behavior. The hiring manager looks at their resume and thinks, "wow, this guy has eight years of experience in our company. He's probably learned a lot in that time! I think he's our man."
Yeah. He got eight years of experience because he couldn't get a job anywhere else. Anyone worth their weight in salt would be able to apply for a better job at a better company with four years of experience and a keen insight into the business world. In other words, they all left the company, after constantly applying for the jobs they're qualified to do but losing out to a guy who has been sitting at the same desk for fifteen years.
Now, I finally got that promotion. I didn't get it by my own merits; my old boss pulled some strings to get me in my current position, and once I was gone, she transferred out herself, and now the whole department is shot to hell. But in my new position, I realize I have walked into the office where all those employees are who were never good enough to soar up the ladder, but eventually if you stand at the bottom for long enough, that ladder will come crashing down, and all you have to do is walk over and put your hands on that top rung. I didn't climb my way up to get here either, but I expected at least a challenge. No, as it turns out, my last department had smarter, more capable employees than this one, because in my old department, there were still some promising, ambitious youth left who hadn't been around long enough to quit.
20080122
In case you're wondering
Yes, I'm very angry at how the presidential primaries are going, and not in a talk-show host, I liked to get riled up about everything kind of way. This morning I considered the possibility of not helping charities or donating blood anymore because I don't want to run the risk of accidentally helping out a voter in Michigan or Iowa. It's not a red vs. blue thing here... the Democratic party and Republican party both overwhelmingly have supported the single worst candidate in their respective primaries.
I'm not going to accept this claim that it's just the majority, either: true American candidates like Joe Biden and Bill Richardson were pushed out of the campaign almost immediately because they received 0% support, while scores of people backed a so-called liberal candidate who believes in censorship and oppression, and believes in perpetuating war, doesn't want to talk to world leaders because she logic on par with a second grader's to decide her foreign policy, and has no problem insensitively throwing around loaded words to describe just about everything because she's incapable of recognizing that there are people who may not agree with her but still deserve her respect.
Well, you know what, fuck you guys. It's your country, you drive it into the ground. By the time anyone figures out that this isn't the new season of American Idol, we're going to have a ruthless amoral idiot from Massachusetts in charge of our country, who openly condones torture, hypocrisy, and isolation. Let me rephrase that: running your country. Because my voice went hoarse before I was even old enough to vote in this joke of a fucking government. Calling it a democracy doesn't make it so.
In Japan they have full health care for every resident (even if they're not a citizen). In China they have stringent environmental standards for everything they build. In France they banned smoking. Think about that for a minute.
In America we're still whipping out our two inch dick and calling it a yardstick. Go to hell.
I'm not going to accept this claim that it's just the majority, either: true American candidates like Joe Biden and Bill Richardson were pushed out of the campaign almost immediately because they received 0% support, while scores of people backed a so-called liberal candidate who believes in censorship and oppression, and believes in perpetuating war, doesn't want to talk to world leaders because she logic on par with a second grader's to decide her foreign policy, and has no problem insensitively throwing around loaded words to describe just about everything because she's incapable of recognizing that there are people who may not agree with her but still deserve her respect.
Well, you know what, fuck you guys. It's your country, you drive it into the ground. By the time anyone figures out that this isn't the new season of American Idol, we're going to have a ruthless amoral idiot from Massachusetts in charge of our country, who openly condones torture, hypocrisy, and isolation. Let me rephrase that: running your country. Because my voice went hoarse before I was even old enough to vote in this joke of a fucking government. Calling it a democracy doesn't make it so.
In Japan they have full health care for every resident (even if they're not a citizen). In China they have stringent environmental standards for everything they build. In France they banned smoking. Think about that for a minute.
In America we're still whipping out our two inch dick and calling it a yardstick. Go to hell.
20080121
Caffeine and Hitler
A good reason for me to brew coffee at home — I don’t have to worry about baristas completely ignoring my request for decaf. I think there are just people (caffeine addicts) that can’t literally can’t comprehend someone not getting caffeine. It’s mind-boggling, really, how we can have such a blatantly widespread health issue that goes not ignored, but affirmed and accepted. I was addicted myself, until I grew up and realized what I was doing to my body.
You know who else got frustrated with his society’s addiction to altering substances? Hitler. Say what you will about the man, he was not a hypocrite. He lived a very, very clean life, free of any drugs, alcohol, or even meat (he was nearly vegan). Of course, he was also a sociopathic mass genocidal power monger who condoned slander and lit himself on fire after shooting his wife in the head. But nobody’s perfect.
You know who else got frustrated with his society’s addiction to altering substances? Hitler. Say what you will about the man, he was not a hypocrite. He lived a very, very clean life, free of any drugs, alcohol, or even meat (he was nearly vegan). Of course, he was also a sociopathic mass genocidal power monger who condoned slander and lit himself on fire after shooting his wife in the head. But nobody’s perfect.
20080115
The State of States
16 states start with the letter 'M' or 'N.' That's 32%– almost a third. Having "New" and "North" both starting with N helps, but there are also 8 states that start with M. None start with B, E, or J (or any of the weird letters in the back, but nothing really starts with them anyway). Which is why I say we rename some of our states Jersey, York, East Virginia, and Binnesota. I don't see why the middle of the alphabet gets to have all the fun.
20080114
Humility
Anyone listening in on a conversation between me and my counterpart would be nauseous, but not for the reasons you would usually think. Here's a conversation she and I have had:
Her: My grandmother's pressuring me to get married. She can't understand how someone as brilliant as me can be single.
Me: Well, I'm powerful and I have a razor-sharp wit, that should be good enough for her.
Her: Yeah, but I'm not sure that Russia will let someone as beautiful as me leave the country.
Me: Well, I have pretty incredible political savvy, I'm sure I'll be able to get you over here.
Her: Well, with as creative as you are, you shouldn't have any trouble figuring out what needs to be done.
Me: That's true, and it'll help that you're so immensely successful, so the U.S. will want to get you here.
Her: Good point.
The amazing thing is neither of us are being ironic. Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time would probably think something like "oh, God, there's two of them?" or "we've been trying for a decade not to encourage him..." There was a point in my life where I tried hiding my arrogance and putting myself out as an aw-shucks kind of guy, until I realized two things: first off, people want you to be humble because they think they're the shit, and they're put off by you implying that they aren't the greatest person in the world. Second, most of the things I take pride in, I wasn't born with. I didn't have any better sense of humor than anyone else at the age of six. My mom still says the biggest moment of my childhood for her wasn't when I learned to walk, or my first day of school, but when I actually told a joke that was funny. I didn't become a know-it-all by just making stuff up and talking people down, like a lot of people do- I became a know it all by reading, researching, and studying. It's an ongoing effort, too. This weekend, I realized I just didn't know that much about Mitt Romney. No reason why I should, right? But I want to know everything, so out I went researching him and reading up on him. I even checked out the book he wrote about the 2004 Olympics from the library.
My point is, why bother making myself a better person if I can't take credit for it? I don't talk other people down, and I don't shove it in people's faces if I'm better than them at something, but if there's something I believe I'm gifted in, I'm not afraid to show it. She's much the same way– she didn't get through med school by buying her way through or coming from a privileged family. She finds out something about plastic surgery, and without a second thought, away she goes, reading books and taking classes, until next thing you know she's grafting new eyelids on burn victims. She knows she has natural good looks, but she doesn't put in a wonderbra and 7-inch heels in an effort to mutate herself into a bimbo– she stays healthy, keeps in shape, and wears clothes that she knows look good on her. More importantly, she doesn't try to use her good looks as a way of getting what she wants. If she wants a promotion at work, she makes herself into a master surgeon, so they don't have any choice but to put her in the operating room. If she thinks she needs a better apartment, she doesn't just find some sugar daddy and move into his slave chambers, she works hard and puts in some extra hours, maybe goes to a couple conferences in Italy, so that they give her a raise so she can afford the place she wants.
Above all, if she wants a husband and a family, she doesn't just latch on to some doofus and nag him into not breaking up with her. She's too good for that. She's too smart, too beautiful, and too successful to put up with any guy who isn't just as intelligent and goal-driven, who will be latching onto her or expecting her to run the household. She demands someone with confidence and perserverance, someone who doesn't care what people might say about him, calling him obnoxious or unlikeable. She'll make those judgements for herself, and she'll only put up with someone she knows has a kind, devoted heart, will treat her with respect, and will allow her independence, if for no other reason because he's enjoying independence of his own.
You know, me.
Her: My grandmother's pressuring me to get married. She can't understand how someone as brilliant as me can be single.
Me: Well, I'm powerful and I have a razor-sharp wit, that should be good enough for her.
Her: Yeah, but I'm not sure that Russia will let someone as beautiful as me leave the country.
Me: Well, I have pretty incredible political savvy, I'm sure I'll be able to get you over here.
Her: Well, with as creative as you are, you shouldn't have any trouble figuring out what needs to be done.
Me: That's true, and it'll help that you're so immensely successful, so the U.S. will want to get you here.
Her: Good point.
The amazing thing is neither of us are being ironic. Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time would probably think something like "oh, God, there's two of them?" or "we've been trying for a decade not to encourage him..." There was a point in my life where I tried hiding my arrogance and putting myself out as an aw-shucks kind of guy, until I realized two things: first off, people want you to be humble because they think they're the shit, and they're put off by you implying that they aren't the greatest person in the world. Second, most of the things I take pride in, I wasn't born with. I didn't have any better sense of humor than anyone else at the age of six. My mom still says the biggest moment of my childhood for her wasn't when I learned to walk, or my first day of school, but when I actually told a joke that was funny. I didn't become a know-it-all by just making stuff up and talking people down, like a lot of people do- I became a know it all by reading, researching, and studying. It's an ongoing effort, too. This weekend, I realized I just didn't know that much about Mitt Romney. No reason why I should, right? But I want to know everything, so out I went researching him and reading up on him. I even checked out the book he wrote about the 2004 Olympics from the library.
My point is, why bother making myself a better person if I can't take credit for it? I don't talk other people down, and I don't shove it in people's faces if I'm better than them at something, but if there's something I believe I'm gifted in, I'm not afraid to show it. She's much the same way– she didn't get through med school by buying her way through or coming from a privileged family. She finds out something about plastic surgery, and without a second thought, away she goes, reading books and taking classes, until next thing you know she's grafting new eyelids on burn victims. She knows she has natural good looks, but she doesn't put in a wonderbra and 7-inch heels in an effort to mutate herself into a bimbo– she stays healthy, keeps in shape, and wears clothes that she knows look good on her. More importantly, she doesn't try to use her good looks as a way of getting what she wants. If she wants a promotion at work, she makes herself into a master surgeon, so they don't have any choice but to put her in the operating room. If she thinks she needs a better apartment, she doesn't just find some sugar daddy and move into his slave chambers, she works hard and puts in some extra hours, maybe goes to a couple conferences in Italy, so that they give her a raise so she can afford the place she wants.
Above all, if she wants a husband and a family, she doesn't just latch on to some doofus and nag him into not breaking up with her. She's too good for that. She's too smart, too beautiful, and too successful to put up with any guy who isn't just as intelligent and goal-driven, who will be latching onto her or expecting her to run the household. She demands someone with confidence and perserverance, someone who doesn't care what people might say about him, calling him obnoxious or unlikeable. She'll make those judgements for herself, and she'll only put up with someone she knows has a kind, devoted heart, will treat her with respect, and will allow her independence, if for no other reason because he's enjoying independence of his own.
You know, me.
20080110
Don't Panic
The press has finally latched onto the fringe feminist voters and turned Hillary Clinton's presidential race into a gender issue. In the continuing tradition of irresponsible journalism, they have put the onus on the public at large, perpetuating their fabricated myth that the media is not blatantly trying to manipulate their readers. Once again, however, they have pushed out a message so reactionary that it will only cause a backlash. So, for any of you out there who are worrying about the possibility that a callous, intolerant, pro-censorship, elitist, corporate whore (gender-neutral whore, pertaining to anyone who will accept money from corporations in exchange for getting fucked) will be elected purely as the token minority, rest assured that her more radical supporters are doing more to push away voters than they are helping her.
The main coverage is of women who say that they never intended to vote for Hillary before, but after the Iowa caucus, they realized that a woman candidate can't even take one primary vote because of her gender. Yes, they actually said that, and yes, they said that after one primary worth less than 1% of the country's votes. The fear is that democratic voters are frightened by the concept of a woman being president, and are unwilling to support a minority candidate. As proof, they point to several instances where democrats have referred to Clinton as a cold, calculating evil Washington insider, which they allege is playing into the stereot
ypes of women. So, they have fallen back on the safe vote of a beltway conservative that won't ruffle up too many feathers as he meets the description of every president elected in American history: Barack Obama (pictured right). Rest assured, however, that these people are not the majority of Americans. They may have pushed the Hillary vote in New Hampshire, but the nice thing about reactionaries is that they're traditionally lazy (after all, if they had any sense of perserverance, they might actually take the route of fixing their own problems instead of blaming everyone else for bringing them down). So, after they've pulled New Hampshire and maybe a couple of the Super Tuesday states (I predict Nevada goes to Obama and South Carolina goes to Edwards), a majority of them will either be exhausted from the fight or will give up after a couple small defeats in other insignificant states. Above all, remember that they don't really want Clinton to win– after all, if there isn't a man in charge of the country, who will they have to blame for all their problems?
ypes of women. So, they have fallen back on the safe vote of a beltway conservative that won't ruffle up too many feathers as he meets the description of every president elected in American history: Barack Obama (pictured right). Rest assured, however, that these people are not the majority of Americans. They may have pushed the Hillary vote in New Hampshire, but the nice thing about reactionaries is that they're traditionally lazy (after all, if they had any sense of perserverance, they might actually take the route of fixing their own problems instead of blaming everyone else for bringing them down). So, after they've pulled New Hampshire and maybe a couple of the Super Tuesday states (I predict Nevada goes to Obama and South Carolina goes to Edwards), a majority of them will either be exhausted from the fight or will give up after a couple small defeats in other insignificant states. Above all, remember that they don't really want Clinton to win– after all, if there isn't a man in charge of the country, who will they have to blame for all their problems?20080109
Conversation about technology
Posted by Felix January 3, 2008:
I do NOT want to live in a world where it's illegal for me to rip my own CDs onto my own computer, even if Justin Fox and everybody else assures me that it's only illegal *in theory* and that in practice I won't be *actually prosecuted* for doing so. If the RIAA is moving towards a status quo wherein ripping legally-purchased CDs is illegal, then they must be stopped.
Posted by Justin Fox January 3, 2008:
Well, happily, Holman Jenkins has a column in today's WSJ about the bright prospects for private space travel.
Posted by p_lukasiak January 4, 2008:
screw space travel. Last night, letterman said that some scientist claims that by 2050, robots will be so human like that we'll be having sex with them! Now THAT's the future! ;-)
Posted by Justin Fox January 4, 2008:
Well yeah, just as long as you don't try making unauthorized copies of them.
I do NOT want to live in a world where it's illegal for me to rip my own CDs onto my own computer, even if Justin Fox and everybody else assures me that it's only illegal *in theory* and that in practice I won't be *actually prosecuted* for doing so. If the RIAA is moving towards a status quo wherein ripping legally-purchased CDs is illegal, then they must be stopped.
Posted by Justin Fox January 3, 2008:
Well, happily, Holman Jenkins has a column in today's WSJ about the bright prospects for private space travel.
Posted by p_lukasiak January 4, 2008:
screw space travel. Last night, letterman said that some scientist claims that by 2050, robots will be so human like that we'll be having sex with them! Now THAT's the future! ;-)
Posted by Justin Fox January 4, 2008:
Well yeah, just as long as you don't try making unauthorized copies of them.
20080108
Blackfacing Angry Black Men
I don't blame Bennie Demetrius Washington for claiming that he was illegally searched when the police found a gun in his car in 2004. To the contrary, I would call it responsible action; it is every person's responsibility to defend themselves to the best of their ability when accused of a crime, or else you just get another Gideon (of Gideon v. Wainwright fame, not the bible people). But the fact of the matter is, he's a felon who was stopped on suspicion, and the suspicions turned out to be true when the police search turned up an illegal firearm that landed Washington another six years in federal prison.
The claim, according to the Oregonian, is that he "wasn't breaking any law when Portland police approached him... and asked whether they could search him and his car." After consenting to the search, they found a gun and arrested him, and now he's doing six years. Now I could go back and forth on this forever. On one hand, possession of an illegal firearm is a crime, and thus he was doing something illegal. On the other hand, a case could be made that we all do barely-illegal things all the time, and could probably all get arrested for something, but 90% of us (at least in the Northwest) don't get busted because the cops don't profile white people. Then again, you don't just throw someone in the slammer for six years because they had a gun in their car. But on the other hand, if he consented to the search, he probably thought there was no way they would give him anything worse than a slap on the wrist for the gun. If you commit a crime that you know would lock you away for six years, you don't just let the cops waltz in and make the arrest. Either you make things difficult for them, as is your right under the fourth amendment, or you turn yourself in.
Anyway, what it comes down to is that he pulled the race card on a situation where it very well may not apply. It's more likely, even in Portland (where the cops have a long, continuing history of blatant racism), that we're dealing with a repeat felon who has so proven himself detrimental to society that simply owning a gun exhibits intent to do something far worse. No matter who you are, you don't get six years for possession of a firearm on a first offense.
So I blame the Oregonian. An irresponsibly shitty article by Aimee Green that doesn't cover the details, but instead paints Washington as an angry black man hiding behind his skin, does a disservice to black people, to Portland, and the Portland police. Adding insult to injury is posting the article with top billing in the Metro section, with an enormous headline stating "Man claims police bias in suit." If you're going to do a feature, cover the facts. If you're going to do a recap or brief, as Green did, put it in the corner on page 5. By putting an incomplete article front and center, really all you're doing is screaming "look! Look! Blackie got hit! Blackie got hit! LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE BLACK GUY!!!!!" For anyone on the fence towards African Americans (or as I call them, black), all this will do is reinforce their stereotype that black people aren't really the victims of racism, they just claim to be so that they can get away with murder. Or possession. Whatever. Be fucking responsible.
The claim, according to the Oregonian, is that he "wasn't breaking any law when Portland police approached him... and asked whether they could search him and his car." After consenting to the search, they found a gun and arrested him, and now he's doing six years. Now I could go back and forth on this forever. On one hand, possession of an illegal firearm is a crime, and thus he was doing something illegal. On the other hand, a case could be made that we all do barely-illegal things all the time, and could probably all get arrested for something, but 90% of us (at least in the Northwest) don't get busted because the cops don't profile white people. Then again, you don't just throw someone in the slammer for six years because they had a gun in their car. But on the other hand, if he consented to the search, he probably thought there was no way they would give him anything worse than a slap on the wrist for the gun. If you commit a crime that you know would lock you away for six years, you don't just let the cops waltz in and make the arrest. Either you make things difficult for them, as is your right under the fourth amendment, or you turn yourself in.
Anyway, what it comes down to is that he pulled the race card on a situation where it very well may not apply. It's more likely, even in Portland (where the cops have a long, continuing history of blatant racism), that we're dealing with a repeat felon who has so proven himself detrimental to society that simply owning a gun exhibits intent to do something far worse. No matter who you are, you don't get six years for possession of a firearm on a first offense.
So I blame the Oregonian. An irresponsibly shitty article by Aimee Green that doesn't cover the details, but instead paints Washington as an angry black man hiding behind his skin, does a disservice to black people, to Portland, and the Portland police. Adding insult to injury is posting the article with top billing in the Metro section, with an enormous headline stating "Man claims police bias in suit." If you're going to do a feature, cover the facts. If you're going to do a recap or brief, as Green did, put it in the corner on page 5. By putting an incomplete article front and center, really all you're doing is screaming "look! Look! Blackie got hit! Blackie got hit! LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE BLACK GUY!!!!!" For anyone on the fence towards African Americans (or as I call them, black), all this will do is reinforce their stereotype that black people aren't really the victims of racism, they just claim to be so that they can get away with murder. Or possession. Whatever. Be fucking responsible.
20080107
Attractive girl of the week
Being the shallow, obtrusive guy that I am, I'm on the bus this weekend and I'm eye-fucking this really cute girl about three rows in front of me. One of the problems of winter is that there's too much left to the imagination– with everyone all bundled up in thick coats and big beanies, pretty much the only thing you have to admire is their cheekbones. So, I have no idea if this girl was attractive or not but she had nice cheekbones and I have a healthy imagination. I know a lot of girls feel violated by having guys do this to them, but she doesn't even notice me and it's a long bus ride so I consider it a victimless crime.
So, as I'm unabashedly staring, completely unbeknown to her, I see her look around the bus. As her head turns toward my direction, of course, I'm just idly gazing out the window. Anyway. After scanning the bus, she slides over and opens her backpack. She pulls out a Fred Meyers sack out, which has a dinner that it would appear she had just recently purchased. Out of the sack, she pulls out an apple. She then taps the shoulder of a homeless guy with a Coast Guard cap sitting across from her, and asks if he would like some Doritos. He just kind of looks at her, and she holds out a bag of Doritos she pulled from the sack. "Don't you want it?" he asks. "I kept the apple," she replies, and continues to hold out the chips. He takes them and thanks her. She reaches back into the sack and pulls out the main course, a deli sandwich, the only other thing in her sack. "You can have this, too," she says, and holds out the sandwich. He looks at her for a minute, but he's obviously hungry, so he takes it.
The girl puts on her headphones and dances to herself as she bites into her apple. The homeless man breaks the sandwich in half and taps her on the shoulder. She takes off her headphones. "Can I offer you half of my sandwich?" he asks. "That's okay," she says cheerily, "I have my apple." She puts her headphones back on and watches out the window, enjoying her dinner.
I've heard girls rant before, "what does it take to get a guy to stop staring at my tits, and just appreciate me for who I am!?" Well, that's one way to do it. I kept watching her for the rest of the trip, but it was out of admiration. It was one of those few times I could say to myself while checking a girl out, "would you look at the character on that girl."
So, as I'm unabashedly staring, completely unbeknown to her, I see her look around the bus. As her head turns toward my direction, of course, I'm just idly gazing out the window. Anyway. After scanning the bus, she slides over and opens her backpack. She pulls out a Fred Meyers sack out, which has a dinner that it would appear she had just recently purchased. Out of the sack, she pulls out an apple. She then taps the shoulder of a homeless guy with a Coast Guard cap sitting across from her, and asks if he would like some Doritos. He just kind of looks at her, and she holds out a bag of Doritos she pulled from the sack. "Don't you want it?" he asks. "I kept the apple," she replies, and continues to hold out the chips. He takes them and thanks her. She reaches back into the sack and pulls out the main course, a deli sandwich, the only other thing in her sack. "You can have this, too," she says, and holds out the sandwich. He looks at her for a minute, but he's obviously hungry, so he takes it.
The girl puts on her headphones and dances to herself as she bites into her apple. The homeless man breaks the sandwich in half and taps her on the shoulder. She takes off her headphones. "Can I offer you half of my sandwich?" he asks. "That's okay," she says cheerily, "I have my apple." She puts her headphones back on and watches out the window, enjoying her dinner.
I've heard girls rant before, "what does it take to get a guy to stop staring at my tits, and just appreciate me for who I am!?" Well, that's one way to do it. I kept watching her for the rest of the trip, but it was out of admiration. It was one of those few times I could say to myself while checking a girl out, "would you look at the character on that girl."
20080104
You're all fucking stupid
The United States has been completely overrun with idiots and I'm the minority exception. I'm not going to sugar coat it– if you're reading this, odds are if I ever meet you I'm going to think you're dumber than me, and I'll probably be right. The only reason I don't include the whole world in my appraisal is that I don't know enough people in the rest of the world. I'm not saying I'm a genius, I'm saying that I'm of expected median intelligence but the rest of the United States is really that dumb.
Normally when someone makes a blanket statement like this, it's because they've got that one thing on their minds, something they're bitter about—their nemesis got the promotion they wanted, their girlfriend cheated on them, Bush got re-elected to office—but as I mentioned before, those people are fucking idiots and I'm not. I'm referring to a broad generalization I have deduced from expecting people to have a minimal level of intellect and 28 continuous years of perpetually being proven wrong.
Let's start with work, shall we? I am the second-highest non-management tier of the top branch of a huge financial management company (excluding specialist branches that require masters degrees or doctorates. At first I was excited by the promotion, thinking that it would be an exciting challenge and I would finally be able to work with peers. Nope. Every one of my coworkers are fucking idiots. Some of them are really nice folks, and I even occasionally have drinks with them, but that doesn't make them any less stupid. I find myself constantly having to explain rudimentary things to people that should have learned this shit years ago. I immediately grasp concepts that took them seven months to learn. Hell, I spent all morning drafting this essay in my head while I was working, because I needed something to think about while I was busy doing the work that requires concentration for them to pull off.
I will actually admit that the management is a bit smarter than the worker bees, in that they openly express their ignorance, in effect saying "I don't know this basic shit any better than you do, but I know that since we're all idiots I have nothing to hide, so I'll express my ignorance and let you fix my shit." You know those monster.com commercials that show people working all day with monkeys, then a tag line saying "Find something better"? That works because all jobs have that monkey element. The difference is, whoever's job hunting has the intellect of a monkey as well, that's why they fall for 30-second TV ads.
Hell, our entire economy is supported by the fact that people fall for 30-second TV ads.
But I'm not bitter about work. Hey, I got paid $80 this morning alone to do mundane data entry. If I looked for new work, I'd be a fucking idiot. And I'm not. Here's another example why:
People who shop at Forever 21 are idiots. Nobody's contesting that. People who spend $5 for milk and coffee are idiots. People who buy name brand shit that's manufactured in the same factory as the generic shit are idiots. (Disclosure: I am a name-brand buyer, but that's because I prefer quality goods. I wear Doc Martens or Rockports, customized contact lenses, and Eddie Bauer. My computers are all Apples and I buy all my produce from a collective farm.)
Then there's the demographic of people who spend 500 calories a day expressing their disgust for people who shop at Forever 21, Starbucks, and American Eagle. Is that really the most important thing in your life? Are you really offended by the presence of a corporation with good marketing skills? Do you really think that a company who pays fair wages to their baristas and Nicaraguan coffee growers, donate massive amounts of money to charities and the arts, and actually provide subsidies to their competition must be boycotted? Or are you making the same naked, superficial, shallow fucking attempt for approval as the people who shop there to be seen? I will agree with you on this: when clothing designers like Banana Republic, Hollister, and A&F actually write their names on the front of their clothes because their shoppers are buying the clothes in such an obvious attempt to buy approval from their peers, and their peers are SO FUCKING DUMB that they have to have this brand marking literally written out for them and pasted on the tits of their codependent admirers, you're dealing with a truly useless demographic of people whose only value to society is that they'll take it in any orifice you name if you suggest that it might lead to their father loving them again.
That said, what statement do you make when you stand in front of American Eagle, proclaiming as loudly as you can how much you disapprove of its patrons? You're not making an attempt to change the hearts and minds of America, are you? No, you're making a shallow, superficial attempt to earn the approval of the people standing next to you. I actually don't fault either side for this, by the way, though it does prove my point that they're just plain morons. The reason I don't fault them is because their peers are actually so fucking stupid that you have to SPELL OUT TO THEM the fact that yes, you agree with them, and you want their acceptance because of it. If you spent your time trying to impress them with your intelligence and wit, you would just be proving my next point, which is:
The American public is so staggeringly devoid of anything resembling brains that it has become a cultural virtue to be fucking stupid. Look at our President. Hell, look at the people who criticize our president. I've actually had conversations with these people on the street. Here's my all time favorite back-and-forth:
DIPSHIT ON THE STREET: "We have to get the Republicans out of the government and restore our country to the great values we used to have, with leaders like Lincoln."
ME: "Lincoln was the founder of the Republican Party..."
DIPSHIT ON THE STREET: "Uh, well, I don't know that much about Lincoln, but we have to get rid of the Republicans."
What's amazing about that discourse is that her original point was actually valid. There are countless ways she could have continued the conversation in her favor, if she has any clue whatsoever what she was talking about. Mind you, we're talking about a political canvasser. This wasn't some yahoo on the street corner. Well, it was, but not some random yahoo. Anyway.
Occasionally I'll be hanging out with someone and they'll ask some question that actually demands an intelligent answer. Last month, for example, my dad asked some of our relatives, "I wonder how aboriginal people in Oceania got there. I mean, it's not like they could have crossed the Bering Strait." An intelligent question. One that, as it happens, I know the answer to. You know, because I studied Linguistic Anthropology, where that's actually a prevalent question. I explained that when they just had long-canoes to travel, the inhabitants of Southeast Asia made an effort to... you know what, you don't care what the answer is. You probably didn't even know where Oceania was until I said "southeast Asia." The point is, my relatives, afraid of being outdone by their nephew, who they're too fucking stupid to realize has actually grown and matured since that time they saw him eat the side of a chair (I didn't really do that but you get my point), start immediately countering my claim, talking down to me and scolding me for trying to make things up.
Now does that sound like something someone would just randomly make up? Don't you think in this day and age I could just bust out an Encyclopedia and make them look like a bunch of jackasses? That fact is, though, that people have a very primal act-and-react instinct that causes them to say stupid shit like that.
The other thing that happens is that I'll actually know the answer to something, and I'll be accused of being a know-it-all. I'm not contesting it, actually. But it goes back to stupidity being considered a virtue. It shows that the culturally accepted response to an intelligent question is to not know the answer. Then why the fuck did you ask? Because, of course, you're smart enough to ask questions that nobody has ever asked before. "Do you ever wonder if, like, the color I see as 'blue,' you might see as 'red' or 'purple'?" OOOOOOOH you are SO fucking deep!!!! It couldn't possibly be that this question hasn't occurred to every other person on the entire fucking planet since the discovery of marijuana!? You know what, I thought of that too. When I was 15. Guess what I did: the fucking research. Turns out, there's a whole field of study that we've been perfecting for 1400 fucking years called "ophthalmology," that directly deals with how the brain perceives shit that comes in through your eyes, and you know what? Since the science has been around too long for our stupid fucking country to ban it in the interest of perpetuating this ridiculous fucking myth that we were created on day 6 of existence by a relatively arbitrary and simplistic system of a God that was created by a bunch of Mesopotamian aristocrats from 2600 years ago because the population of the time couldn't figure out why there was any problems with killing their neighbors so they could stick their dick in his wife without retribution so a shallow creation mythology was thrown together as a stopgap measure to hold them off for long enough to allow the Hebrews time to establish themselves as a nation-state, they actually figured out that in fact, there is significant evidence that the blue you see is purple in someone else's eyes. So, in summary, you're no smarter for asking that question. In fact, you're dumber, for actually thinking that vocalizing that thought will enable you to "trick" your peers into thinking you're some kind of genius. The funny thing is, it will probably work. But again, that doesn't mean you're smarter, it means you're all fucking stupid.
This is where the social norms require me to make a light-hearted, ironically self-deprecating remark about how all this ranting also applies to me, so don't think I'm arrogant, because I'm just talking out of hurt; I don't really think I'm smarter than you, I just want to get things off my chest, because I've got that one thing on my mind, something I'm bitter about. Nope. My fellow Americans really are that dumb. I'll offer more reasons later, but I've got some "work" to do.
Normally when someone makes a blanket statement like this, it's because they've got that one thing on their minds, something they're bitter about—their nemesis got the promotion they wanted, their girlfriend cheated on them, Bush got re-elected to office—but as I mentioned before, those people are fucking idiots and I'm not. I'm referring to a broad generalization I have deduced from expecting people to have a minimal level of intellect and 28 continuous years of perpetually being proven wrong.
Let's start with work, shall we? I am the second-highest non-management tier of the top branch of a huge financial management company (excluding specialist branches that require masters degrees or doctorates. At first I was excited by the promotion, thinking that it would be an exciting challenge and I would finally be able to work with peers. Nope. Every one of my coworkers are fucking idiots. Some of them are really nice folks, and I even occasionally have drinks with them, but that doesn't make them any less stupid. I find myself constantly having to explain rudimentary things to people that should have learned this shit years ago. I immediately grasp concepts that took them seven months to learn. Hell, I spent all morning drafting this essay in my head while I was working, because I needed something to think about while I was busy doing the work that requires concentration for them to pull off.
I will actually admit that the management is a bit smarter than the worker bees, in that they openly express their ignorance, in effect saying "I don't know this basic shit any better than you do, but I know that since we're all idiots I have nothing to hide, so I'll express my ignorance and let you fix my shit." You know those monster.com commercials that show people working all day with monkeys, then a tag line saying "Find something better"? That works because all jobs have that monkey element. The difference is, whoever's job hunting has the intellect of a monkey as well, that's why they fall for 30-second TV ads.
Hell, our entire economy is supported by the fact that people fall for 30-second TV ads.
But I'm not bitter about work. Hey, I got paid $80 this morning alone to do mundane data entry. If I looked for new work, I'd be a fucking idiot. And I'm not. Here's another example why:
People who shop at Forever 21 are idiots. Nobody's contesting that. People who spend $5 for milk and coffee are idiots. People who buy name brand shit that's manufactured in the same factory as the generic shit are idiots. (Disclosure: I am a name-brand buyer, but that's because I prefer quality goods. I wear Doc Martens or Rockports, customized contact lenses, and Eddie Bauer. My computers are all Apples and I buy all my produce from a collective farm.)
Then there's the demographic of people who spend 500 calories a day expressing their disgust for people who shop at Forever 21, Starbucks, and American Eagle. Is that really the most important thing in your life? Are you really offended by the presence of a corporation with good marketing skills? Do you really think that a company who pays fair wages to their baristas and Nicaraguan coffee growers, donate massive amounts of money to charities and the arts, and actually provide subsidies to their competition must be boycotted? Or are you making the same naked, superficial, shallow fucking attempt for approval as the people who shop there to be seen? I will agree with you on this: when clothing designers like Banana Republic, Hollister, and A&F actually write their names on the front of their clothes because their shoppers are buying the clothes in such an obvious attempt to buy approval from their peers, and their peers are SO FUCKING DUMB that they have to have this brand marking literally written out for them and pasted on the tits of their codependent admirers, you're dealing with a truly useless demographic of people whose only value to society is that they'll take it in any orifice you name if you suggest that it might lead to their father loving them again.
That said, what statement do you make when you stand in front of American Eagle, proclaiming as loudly as you can how much you disapprove of its patrons? You're not making an attempt to change the hearts and minds of America, are you? No, you're making a shallow, superficial attempt to earn the approval of the people standing next to you. I actually don't fault either side for this, by the way, though it does prove my point that they're just plain morons. The reason I don't fault them is because their peers are actually so fucking stupid that you have to SPELL OUT TO THEM the fact that yes, you agree with them, and you want their acceptance because of it. If you spent your time trying to impress them with your intelligence and wit, you would just be proving my next point, which is:
The American public is so staggeringly devoid of anything resembling brains that it has become a cultural virtue to be fucking stupid. Look at our President. Hell, look at the people who criticize our president. I've actually had conversations with these people on the street. Here's my all time favorite back-and-forth:
DIPSHIT ON THE STREET: "We have to get the Republicans out of the government and restore our country to the great values we used to have, with leaders like Lincoln."
ME: "Lincoln was the founder of the Republican Party..."
DIPSHIT ON THE STREET: "Uh, well, I don't know that much about Lincoln, but we have to get rid of the Republicans."
What's amazing about that discourse is that her original point was actually valid. There are countless ways she could have continued the conversation in her favor, if she has any clue whatsoever what she was talking about. Mind you, we're talking about a political canvasser. This wasn't some yahoo on the street corner. Well, it was, but not some random yahoo. Anyway.
Occasionally I'll be hanging out with someone and they'll ask some question that actually demands an intelligent answer. Last month, for example, my dad asked some of our relatives, "I wonder how aboriginal people in Oceania got there. I mean, it's not like they could have crossed the Bering Strait." An intelligent question. One that, as it happens, I know the answer to. You know, because I studied Linguistic Anthropology, where that's actually a prevalent question. I explained that when they just had long-canoes to travel, the inhabitants of Southeast Asia made an effort to... you know what, you don't care what the answer is. You probably didn't even know where Oceania was until I said "southeast Asia." The point is, my relatives, afraid of being outdone by their nephew, who they're too fucking stupid to realize has actually grown and matured since that time they saw him eat the side of a chair (I didn't really do that but you get my point), start immediately countering my claim, talking down to me and scolding me for trying to make things up.
Now does that sound like something someone would just randomly make up? Don't you think in this day and age I could just bust out an Encyclopedia and make them look like a bunch of jackasses? That fact is, though, that people have a very primal act-and-react instinct that causes them to say stupid shit like that.
The other thing that happens is that I'll actually know the answer to something, and I'll be accused of being a know-it-all. I'm not contesting it, actually. But it goes back to stupidity being considered a virtue. It shows that the culturally accepted response to an intelligent question is to not know the answer. Then why the fuck did you ask? Because, of course, you're smart enough to ask questions that nobody has ever asked before. "Do you ever wonder if, like, the color I see as 'blue,' you might see as 'red' or 'purple'?" OOOOOOOH you are SO fucking deep!!!! It couldn't possibly be that this question hasn't occurred to every other person on the entire fucking planet since the discovery of marijuana!? You know what, I thought of that too. When I was 15. Guess what I did: the fucking research. Turns out, there's a whole field of study that we've been perfecting for 1400 fucking years called "ophthalmology," that directly deals with how the brain perceives shit that comes in through your eyes, and you know what? Since the science has been around too long for our stupid fucking country to ban it in the interest of perpetuating this ridiculous fucking myth that we were created on day 6 of existence by a relatively arbitrary and simplistic system of a God that was created by a bunch of Mesopotamian aristocrats from 2600 years ago because the population of the time couldn't figure out why there was any problems with killing their neighbors so they could stick their dick in his wife without retribution so a shallow creation mythology was thrown together as a stopgap measure to hold them off for long enough to allow the Hebrews time to establish themselves as a nation-state, they actually figured out that in fact, there is significant evidence that the blue you see is purple in someone else's eyes. So, in summary, you're no smarter for asking that question. In fact, you're dumber, for actually thinking that vocalizing that thought will enable you to "trick" your peers into thinking you're some kind of genius. The funny thing is, it will probably work. But again, that doesn't mean you're smarter, it means you're all fucking stupid.
This is where the social norms require me to make a light-hearted, ironically self-deprecating remark about how all this ranting also applies to me, so don't think I'm arrogant, because I'm just talking out of hurt; I don't really think I'm smarter than you, I just want to get things off my chest, because I've got that one thing on my mind, something I'm bitter about. Nope. My fellow Americans really are that dumb. I'll offer more reasons later, but I've got some "work" to do.
20080102
Meet the Parents
Discussions have begun about asking her parents for her hand. Here, the big moment is giving her the ring; there, the big moment is asking her dad for permission. In the continuing effort to not talk about possible marriage out loud (even though we've both referenced it several times, we haven't *talked* about getting married, simply because we converse by email and phone and it's something we should discuss in person; plus, it's good to keep some element of surprise to the proposal), she has asked me about asking to take her to the U.S. and has offered to help me prepare the questions. I will be asking them for her hand in marriage, but she doesn't know that yet. I'm relieved that she has offered to help me with this, for many reasons: 1. it shows that she also is serious about the proposal; 2. she can help me figure out some of the nuances, like how I should address them, and what her mom's full name is; 3. since they don't speak English, she can help me make sure everything's grammatically correct so I don't sound too much like a foreigner.
Even though the ring isn't part of their tradition, it's a big part of mine, so I did buy her a ring (see left). I decided in advance exactly what I wanted the ring to look like, and I shopped until I found it– once I found it, I bought it. I wanted to get a continuous band, so there wasn't just one fat diamond sticking out of her finger like a bag of money on a string; I got three stones instead of one, since I wanted the ring to represent a great span of time, not just the day of the wedding; I bought one with a very simple, broad-stroked setting so there wouldn't be any decorations or frills to take attention away from the diamonds. I also got one thick enough so that a ruby and a topaz (our birthstones) can be set in the sides. Of course, since it's not part of her tradition, I am also preparing a bit of a speech (nothing formal, but again since it's not in English I need to think ahead) explaining the significance of an engagement ring in American culture, and the promise she would be making to me by taking it. If she does say yes, my New Year's resolution will go into effect: get her to Portland before I'm done paying off the ring. Fortunately (and unfortunately), that gives me plenty of time to make it happen.
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